I have had my blog for 5 years now. I guess, when you cut down the time I’ve actually spent on it vs. how long its been, I probably have had it for around 2.5. It doesn’t feel that long at all. So many strange things, including growing up, have happened to me. There have been 7 seasons of Parks and Recreation made, I have finished Gossip Girl, friends is now on Netflix… like what. Even though all of that had to do with Netflix, it’s all very relative to where I am at now. I have decided that I want to keep a Leslie Knope attitude on life. I want to give my close friends presents and try and be smiling and blonde for as long as I can. I have decided that Serena and Blair combined would be the fiercest, most confident and successful woman. If I could just obtain Blair’s classiness and business savvy, with Serena’s fun loving attitude and drive, I can be anyone and do anything I want to do. And now, as I have been out of high school for almost 4 years now, I would say I have definitely secured a tight knit group of friends, that would sit with me and drink coffee for what seems like minutes in between info-mericals but is actually hours and I don’t hate any of them. It took a while to figure it out, but it’s there. Thinking about my life in the next 5 years is probably the most horrifying thing ever. I have been near death from illness and from almost falling off of a volcano once, but I was not prepared for the sinking feeling in my stomach while the date draws nearer to graduation. I look at Chiara Ferragni, who about 5 years ago became my inspiration to start a blog and is now in Forbes for becoming a millionaire under 30 years old. The only Italian one, too. I dream of the life where I am not struck down by my budget to where my personal style can truly be expressed. I look at Paris Hilton, for all of the money she has, her style is absolutely bad. Thankfully, that’s not why I love her. I feel as if I am trapped in a closet that isn’t mine. I can tell you about all the things I wish I was wearing in the photos I post on Bootsie. How badly I want a Fendi monster bag to wear all year round; or for those YSL Tribute pumps I am walking around in my dreams in, asking the Starbucks barista for a latte and it not having to be soy. I want to pay off all of my parents debt, for all of the things they do for me. I think this year is going to be a strong year of realizations. I am not the person anymore who gets handed things. My family and I have had a bit of financial trouble lately and I think it finally set in when my mom told me I could no longer go to fashion school unless I paid for it myself. No break up could even touch the weird emotions I felt after that conversation. I have always been pretty financially set, I work two jobs at school and they help me out. No, I couldn’t afford Fendi or YSL, but my parents are kind, loving and amazing parents. My small collection of designer items are from them for a birthday or Christmas. I think that’s why I have so much appreciation for the fine things that I have. I think this is why my love for how hard it is to make each hand stitched Mary Katrantzou dress comes through. I take care in the detail, I become inspired by how these designers have changed the entire culture of fashion as art in their own way. They make things because they CARE. Not because they want someone to be walking around with “LV” all over. Although that’s obviously a pleasant goal to aspire to. The convenience of the Louis Vuitton Speedy is crazy. I mean I can throw anything in that. I have one pair of Manolo Blahnik’s that my dad bought for me. No shoe has ever hurt my feet so much, but his story is pretty incredible. I get a high for truly beautiful things. It’s true, most bloggers only become famous because of the money they have to buy the clothing, shoes, and accessories that makes people want to look at them and read what they have to say. That will always be a disadvantage I have. One of the most honest blogs out there, Man Repeller, is my favorite of them all. Leandra Medine is amazing. She does everything I want to do. She takes the pieces that aren’t necessarily sexy, but showcases them as if they were a winner at the Kentucky Derby. She shows the real side of fashion, not just the parts of it that people only want because other people have. There’s a real story there. I am trying so hard to grasp on to the fact that I can make it without connections and without money to take me to where I need to go. I am hoping that I will succeed without having that back up, and I know it will make me a stronger person. The anxiety I feel should propel me forward and not backwards. I have been so jealous of those blogger women, but they are just models for what they own in their closet. I want to be something people want to own, not just someone who dresses well. I want a closet full of accomplishments I did myself. I am not sure where that pep talk was going, but in 5 years I have made true friends, I have lost and found again where my passions are, and I am ready to put myself out there. I am hoping that I won’t be on the street with only my gifted Vintage Dior clutch, but no real promises.