Anyone who knows me knows I don’t like black, unless in the form of tight spandex that looks like it’s painted onto my booty. I don’t even really like black dresses, unless it’s a perfect black dress. And how many of those can one actually afford? I am a bright person, and therefore I like bright colors. I hate black so much that I even chose my second most hated color for my The North Face Metropolis coat- brown. The model in Nordstrom was blonde and I figured it would look better than black on both me and her, and Nordstrom thought the same too. I have recently started to turn my head towards black. No, not really for clothing (I tried not to buy a black blazer for as long as possible), but for two perfect spring/summer accessories that I would probably be willing to sell “Martha,” my Ford Escape, for. The Gucci Spring/Summer ’14 bamboo top handle fringe tote… Which would take a lot more than a few teeth and hair to purchase, sorry Fantine. (I’d be willing, though) And Vince perforated leather sneakers… They may look like Vans, but I can assure you if they have the name “Vince”‘on them they’re an automatic “CAN I GET AND UPGRADEEEE.” Tampon commercial anyone? Okay, I’m done for today. Anyone have a limb or heart I can sell on the black market to purchase these? If not, I will continue to think of the shade black the same as the black death.

Tote: Gucci, $2,997.00
Shoes: Vince, $198.00