Month: April 2013

Things will change. Even if they are bad, even if they are good, the world is moving. I was sincerely moved today- (my birthday!) by my Uncle Bob, who has always been an encouraging presence in my life and could now continue to be that for all of BU and Boston yesterday. I went through almost 5 hours of terror, thinking, praying, and wishing that he and my Aunt Jan weren’t running, or walking down the street so close to their home where the bombs went off, or were encouragingly waiting for friends at the finish line. I sat there being mute, worrying, as I usually do. I only told a few people about my internal workings, because no one in college really gives time to worry about much than themselves. Which is fine, it’s just how it is. No one can say “ugh I am so tired,” without everyone in the room proclaiming how internally exhausted they are. I’m trying to not be the person that starts the pity party. Everyone is stressed, using an example from Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? so there is no point in saying it out loud. I have been thinking so much deeper lately. It’s probably from listening to “Mirrors” by JT so many times I start to think every person is like a reflection. In any event, I have noticed that moving through your days are harder when you don’t have anything but yourself to be devoted too. I can try everything to please myself, but making other people feel good is much more self satisfying. People are joyous. I need to have faith in myself, and then faith in people to do the right thing. By saying you’re stressed, you send stress and exhaustion their way. So that when they change Facebook for the hundreth time I don’t yell out “ugh I just want to kill them,” and be more like.. “That’s cool, whatevs.” I realized I stress too hard when I thought I could have lost two of my loved ones in an instant. No communication for hours, everyone just watching the filming of bombings and me running away from any news pertaining to it. The only news I wanted was good news. I want to be good news for people, and that’s a change I’ll be making.