Sometimes I just start writing things.
Here’s an example.

Have you ever just felt out of place? Not just speaking in terms of a corny song line. Literally like your body, mind, and spirit are out of whack. If you have, then you know how uncomfortable it is. You know that time feels of the essence but time is causing your worry and paranoia. Like when you feel you missed your exit or your alarm clock never went off. That feeling of having no control, but at the same time the control could have been yours. You could have paid more attention or you could have double checked your alarm. It’s almost scary. You’re throwing yourself into a different universe without even trying because your mind senses no wrong in it. Maybe you’re thinking “you’re too young for this” or maybe “too old.” Either way it’s happenning and you don’t know how to stop it. Just reading this makes you feel all of the symptoms I just desrcibed heightened. It’s one of those things that no outrageous amount of shopping coud fix. No amount of tampons could stop the bleeding. It’s just there. What is your explanation for it? I always thought mine was from a trauma that I suffered around a year ago. And I still think that. I’m just not sure if the reason it lingers; that leftover anxiety, is because of me or something beyond my control. Is it your mind that jumps off a bridge, or is it your body? Since your brain controls your legs, is it your thoughts or a need to move that navigates you? Or maybe it’s even something else. I truly miss the naivety that I had when I was a child. Youth is so truly taken for granted. Only one thing would have to happen to lose it all. To forget the little things and to just grow up without a choice. Only until that happens does one forget how it is to smell the pine trees or gingerbread and feel excitement flow through you. True smiles are hard to come by. The smiles that you feel flow through your veins, it’s starts at your mouth; it’s as though a warm liquid like hot chocolate makes its way from your mouth to your chest and conveniently warms your heart. Describing it in the best way becuse it’s almost indescribable. Like a blanket in the winter or your favorite pair of Ugg boots, you feel that warmth and comfort all over all the time. You know there is someone waiting to be with you, waiting to reunite with you as soon as you leave. It’s that waiting period that makes a person believe. Makes a person hopeful. If you’ve never had it you’re just excited to have it for that first time. It’s like if you wait and wait for an item to go on sale. Something you feel is so amazing you swear it’s worth the money, worth the patience and worth being excited over. But like anything new, it ages. It becomes worn, and younlove it a little less. Some people stay faithful to that love foreverm others see a new model and find a replacement. Or sometimes something goes wrong. Like it breaks, or becomes lost. There are some warrantees that just don’t cover that kind of thing. Once you have it the wait is over. That hope fades into day to day routine. That anxiety leaves. Love is a calm. It creates a whole new routine. It surrounds your life in ways you didn’t know possible until you’ve lost it. Buying groceries and watching t.v. becomes painful. You feel pain in places/parts on your body that you didn’t know you had. You see your human come out. You see sides of the planet you never could see. Things you certainly didn’t want to know. People who haven’t felt heartbreak will never understand until they do. People of any age can be struck by it. Only the ones it’s happened to can understand. It just makes it that much more painful to be completely alone, everyone elses feelings obsolete. Back to time, because even something like time with no physical presence can hurt. Every minute hurts, every tick on a clock is a stab in the chest. It’s just how it is. The physical pain is just one aspect that a heartbroken has to move past. The emotional scars, if not healed properly, can last a lifetime. Can cause issues in finding happiness once more. Tick tock.

I guess working brings out my dark side! It’s sort of accurate though, you tell me?