I’m going to skip apologizing to my small amount of readers at the moment for my lack of posting, I’m sure all of you are just as busy as I am fighting influenza, hanging out with friends and being with loved ones. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Years! I have many things to blog about, but first: a post on my outlook of beauty.

— I was just sitting in my bathroom, looking at my pale ravaged skin on my face, and recognizing the tiny freckles on my even paler arms. As I was about to reach for my Clinique foundation I stopped, a pause if you will in thought but also in motion. I set down the ivory colored paste and reached for my camera. Something came over me, that I just had to show the world what I am. What I am in the sense is the beast that I feel I look like as I get out of the shower. I scramble to towel dry my hair and add oil before my day becomes ruined due to flat, scrawny blonde locks. I hate the process of applying acne medicine in three steps, three steps that when prolonged, bring my self- esteem to about a -.1 by the time I’m finished. I’ve never been one of those girls that could just wake up and be pretty. I decided now, as I slowly took off the lens cap, that I also really don’t like compliments. Years of putting myself down has lead to a depletion in all of my “thank you’s” and “awww you too’s!” Now, you’re not here to read a sob story. Once I took the pictures, and deleted almost all of them, I came to the conclusion that being not so attractive has given me many opportunities to feel beautiful, and those opportunities are amazing to feel because they are an occasion, they don’t occur as I am getting ready for school. It also made it clear why I was trying to get a ticket to another prom, even though I had already been to 3. So if you don’t feel beautiful like me, and I say FEEL because; sure, sometimes I may look pretty but I’m not thinking that, don’t put on pounds of makeup everyday, and enjoy those special moments that become highlights of your life, with beauty that you can literally, well, feel. Because in truth, everyone is beautiful, and I’m still trying really hard to see that.